Gram, You Still Inspire Me ...

This Saturday, June 2 will mark two years since the death of my Grandmother, my Gram. I spoke at her funeral on that day in 2010 with a broken and heavy heart—but with a heart that was also joy-filled and healed many times over by that wonderful woman.

This blog is a transcript of what I said that day at Gram’s funeral with some minor changes. It’s my piece, after all. I’m sure Gram won’t mind. It was as difficult for me to look at this again today as it was to speak it back then. The photo below was taken on New Year’s Day in 2010. This was the last time Gram got to see my sons. What a special day.

Anyway, Gram this is once again for you. It is as heartfelt today as it was at your funeral and always will be. As I told you many times before you went away, “We will always be connected.”

Circa June 2, 2010:

This is one of the most difficult things I've ever done. It's also one of the most important—and definitely the most heartfelt. I stood in this church more than 30 years ago and placed a hand-drawn Fred Flintstone picture in my Grandpa Benjamin Ferrebee’s (Gramps’) casket. Today, I guess it’s just not that simple for me with Gram. No drawing could possibly be enough.

What I’m about to talk about is very personal to me, but the intent isn’t to make it about me. This is merely my way of showing my tremendous respect for and paying homage to a truly beautiful woman who affected me so significantly as a little boy, and later on as a grown, or I should say “growing” man.

I spent the past few days in Washington, DC as a chaperone with my son Ben’s 8^th grade class. With Gram’s health situation the past week, I wasn’t sure if I should go on the trip.  I even called the school principal at one point and told him I would not be going. But, I changed my mind and decided I would accompany the school kids to DC. Gram would want me to.

About 15 minutes into the trip, riding on the bus with the kids, I received a call informing me that Gram had passed. I immediately thought to myself, “Why did I do this? Why did I come on this trip?” But, after thinking it over it became clear to me that Gram wanted me to go. I had told her a long time ago about the trip, so she knew. And, she waited until I was on that bus to DC to start her own journey to Heaven. Gram was watching out for me even in her last moments here.

So, I’ve had a few days to think about Gram. She’s always been “Gram,” but I began to think of her when she was Lona. I thought of her as a young girl, living a life of faith. And, I thought of her as a young woman who would meet and fall in love with Benjamin, also a man of deep faith. I asked Gram once what she missed most about Gramps after he died, and she replied, “His kindness.” How awesome is that? I had to leave the room and go cry.

How happy Gram, Lona, must have been throughout her life, and how blessed she was to recognize and be willing to receive God's amazing Grace so early in life. It was Grace that shaped the very long and meaningful path she walked. That path touched so many, many lives in positive ways.

Gram had literally been there for me every day of my life—in good times and in bad. She comforted me as a child. She took me into her home after I graduated from college when I needed a roof over my head before getting my career started. And, more recently she has been there for me by simply listening to my worries and my joys. A few years ago I called Gram and told her something just didn’t feel right with me. She simply told me, “Change your ways and seek the Lord.” That was Gram. Nothing fancy, no long speech, just basically telling me to find my soul, to find my bliss.

I called Gram almost every day for a long time after that. I was changing as a person and reaching a new level of maturity and faith—finding a new way of looking at life—and it scared me. I think for the first time in my life I was actually growing up. I know God was working on me, and who better on earth to have helping him than Gram. Every day, even when she was in the hospital very ill, she would take my phone calls and listen to me, talk to me, and assure me that everything would be fine. We didn’t solve any of the world’s problems on those calls. We just talked about doing the right things in life, caring for others, trusting God. I really needed Gram’s love then, and her love she freely gave. Once again, she was watching out for me.

During our talks these past couple of years, Gram has said some things to me that I’m sure she would want me to share with others. One thing in particular was “Always be happy, Todd.” The last time I talked to her she asked me if I was happy, and she told me she was happy. Once again, wow! I will do my best, Gram.

I find inspiration in books and music, and when I do I make note of it. I heard a song for the first time recently, and I’m pretty certain that it is written about God. But, several of the lyrics in the song apply to Gram for me. The song is You Raise Me Up by Josh Groban.

‘When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary,

When troubles come and my heart burdened be,

Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,

Until you come and sit awhile with me.

 

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;

You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;

I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;

You raise me up: To more than I can be.’

I’m going to close with another reference to a couple of inspirational lines from a book, one of my favorites, M. Scott Peck’s The Road Less Traveled. There are two lines in the book that really ring true and that I think of often. The very first line of the entire book is “Life is difficult.” I think we all know that very well. The other line in the book that I enjoy is “Ultimately, love is everything.” How true these statements ring, especially in the life of my Gram. Life wasn’t easy for her, but ultimately, Gram’s love was everything. She unselfishly gave love to so many, and she never complained.

Three characteristics define what I believe lead to a fulfilling life.

1)    We must be thankful in all circumstances.

2)    We must be humble.

3)    We must love others.

Gram, you demonstrate all three.

I will see you again some day. Until then, I promise, from the deepest core of my being, that I will give to my children and carry forward to others your thankfulness, your humility and your undying love.

I love you so much, so much. Thank you for your truly amazing grace.