To Sons From Fathers

To my boys ...

I've been thinking a lot the past few months about how quickly you're growing up. Sure, you still have so far to go and grow, but I see you changing, pushing, maturing, becoming independent, making good decisions (as well as some terrible ones) and trying to figure out who you really are and how you fit in.

I love you so much and want to protect you so badly. I want to shelter you from this oh-so-harsh existence. Yes, it can be a cruel world--a world full of bullies with inferiority complexes; egotistical coaches who doubt; girls who will break your heart; and certain and serious consequences that accompany alcohol and drug use.

But I can't do it. I cannot protect you from these things. I cannot shelter you from life. From the bullies, from the coaches, from the girls, and from the pressure you will feel from others to use alcohol and drugs. Your experiences, especially those of the painful variety, will shape you as much as my own actions and words will shape you. You need it all. That's just the way it works. It's a plan designed by someone much greater than all of us. Everything--and I place great emphasis on everything--shapes you into the person you are meant to become.

Those painful things that shape you often also require action on your part. That's where the growth really kicks in. That's how you build spiritual muscle. It's how you mold character. The rewards await.

When you see someone bullying, do what you can to stop it. 

Is it fine for a coach's doubt to break you just because it hurts? No! You work harder, and you prove him wrong because you are good enough. You are better than enough. 

Should you not date for fear of a painful break-up? Don't be silly. Reach out and offer love with all the passion you can muster, because the right love will reach back when it's time. 

And for God's sake when you get pressured about alcohol and drugs, use the moment to find courage in your soul. As I noted above, think of the certain and serious consequences. I felt those pressures. I know the difficulties associated with saying yes and with saying no. Trust me on this one. Walk away. It's a softer path. You won't be alone. Someone will follow. They won't all follow, but someone will.

Throughout life you have to stand up, show up, face every situation head-on, pray for strength and acceptance, take action when necessary, and walk through it. Process it. Feel it. Really feel it. Even when it hurts. Especially when it hurts. Go through it all. Grow through it all.

And guess what? I will be with you the entire way. No, I can't protect you from everything. But, know that I will hold your hand. I will feel your heart. I will keep you as close as you will let me. I will offer my experience. And when you don't need that, I will simply offer my strength, and I will listen.

In most blogs I seem to find my way back to Gram. As I've told you many times she was always there for me when I needed her. Always! Gram used to keep a broom on a hook outside near the back door of her house. Behind the broom was another small hook, on which she kept the key to the back door of the house. I recall many times going to Gram's house late at night, many times unexpected and just needing someone. I always found that key, and inside I always found Gram. My safe haven.

I don't have a key hidden behind a broom hanging on our house. But the door will always be open. I will never let you down. My hand will always be warm. My heart will always be in tune with yours. And my love will never waver. 

Go. And grow!