Why should I cry?

I cherish Christmas Morning. I cherish the Joy. Love. Peace. Mostly, I cherish the Hope.

I am extremely grateful to awaken to a house full of blessings. I am grateful to see gifts under the tree for my children. I am grateful for the sleepy eyes that greet me, screaming "Santa came." Mostly, I'm so grateful for the peace I feel in my heart--especially today.

Indeed, I am full of Joy, Love, Peace and Hope today. But I also realize there is a lot more to this day than what rests under my Christmas tree, under my roof, and in my own heart. My thoughts go to others. I think of young boys and girls who woke up to nothing today. Boys and girls waking up hungry today. Abused today. Scared today. I think of them, and I cry for them.

I also think of family members whose hearts ache today. They miss their father/husband/grandfather, who unexpectedly passed away this summer. Some miss their mother, who had been sick and last week went to a place we call "better." I think of 26 souls. I have no words for that type of pain. So I simply cry.

I think of my mother, who is providing care for her husband as he slips from her grip. I think of my brother, who is fighting demons that have separated him from his wife and children and mother and brothers. Damn those demons. Damn them! Especially today.

So on this day of Joy, Love, Peace, and Hope, I've gone away from everyone for a moment to be alone and cry. To cry for those children who simply wish today they had a warm meal and a safe haven, let alone a gift from Mr. Claus. I cry for those who miss their loved ones. I cry for my mother. I cry so hard for my brother. My God, he must be lonely today.

I cry because Grace lets me. I couldn't always do this. I only knew how to hide from these feelings. But today I feel so many others pain, and it reminds me to live with passion. It reminds me to be Joyful, to Love, to be Peaceful, and to have Hope.

I cry because it's a release. Some might think that feeling others' pain on this morning is a curse. But it's a blessing. It releases me from "me" and puts humanity front and center. It makes me feel grateful. For life. All of it. It tells me to have Hope.

So to those who hurt this morning, I cry for you. I pray for you. I have Joy, Love, Peace for you. Mostly, I have Hope for you. This Hope is a gift you cannot see. You can't touch it. You can't buy it at Macy's. You can't get it online. However, you can feel it. Please feel it.

This Hope is inside all of us, just waiting to be grabbed. Sometimes we simply need inspiration to help us see and feel it. We need to open our eyes. We need to care about others and their pain. We need to cry for them, and Hope for them.

Hope, especially today--when something much larger than all of us gave us the greatest Hope the world has ever seen.

Inspiration Speaks

I’m finding a wealth of inspiration these days, and I’m certain the reason behind it is the Season. This wonderful Holiday Season. The inspiration stirs my soul. My soul then needs to speak, and it relies on me to relay its messages. So here I am again, writing another blog that will hopefully inspire someone, help someone, calm another, and maybe even change someone by striking a heart-felt chord.

This wonderful Holiday Season I mention wasn’t always so wonderful. At times, as a kid, it was excruciatingly painful. Ironically, it’s exactly such pain that has turned me into the joyful person I am today.

I am light years from perfect, but pain taught me to stand up, do good, be good, and to help others whenever I have a chance. It taught me to cherish everything life has to offer. It taught me to recognize and appreciate my very own heartbeats, and it taught me to listen to the breath of others. It can be so simple, yet so vast. I appreciate it all.

The Holiday Season wouldn’t be complete without its Holiday-themed movies. One of my favorites is The Polar Express, and as I watched recently with my sons my attention kept going to the inspirational messages the train conductor was hole-punching on the tickets of the children who were riding the train to see Santa.

The words are so simple, but their meanings can be so vast as they relate to my life—to any life. Just like the Holiday Season inspired me to write this blog, these movie messages inspired me to write a few words of my own about them within this piece.

“Depend on. Count on. Lean on.”
Growing up, I really never felt as though I could depend on many people in my life. I attribute that to the chaos that my alcoholic stepfather created in our home. I should have been able to depend and count on and lean on him but I couldn’t, and that insecurity carried through to many others in my life. Once you are tainted so significantly, you begin to look at others through very cautious eyes.

This being said, as an empowered adult I now take every step possible to let others know they can count on me. I don’t have much materially to give, but I will listen, I care, and I will offer my heart. This most especially applies to my children, as well as to every young person I meet. You can depend on and count on me. You can lean on me. Know that.

I have also learned that I can depend on, count on, and lean on others, too. Slowly but surely, my soul has become more trusting. I know there are people who listen to me, who care about me, and who offer their hearts to me. I depend and count and lean on them. It really is a “we” thing.

“Learn.”
It is clear from my previous few paragraphs that the conductor’s hole-punched “learn” message is one of the most important of inspirations. While I suffered through some painful and distrustful times, I also learned quite a bit from them. I didn’t always recognize that I was learning. In fact, I’m sure I ran, in ways I wasn't always proud of, from those feelings and situations for quite a while so I wouldn’t have to deal with the reality.

But, I did eventually realize that I learned from those times, that pain. I felt it as a kid, and I reprocessed it as an adult a few years ago so I would be sure it was taking its appropriate place in my being. Everything shapes us. The good and the bad and the very ugly. Accept. Process. Learn.

“Believe.”
This one particularly applies to the “simple yet vast” theme I mentioned in my opening lines of this blog. Believing, as we all know, is easier said than done. And, as such, I keep this one as simple as possible. I don’t need to know the why behind everything that happens. I just need to believe that all will be well.

I go back to my youth again, the most challenging time for me to believe. Through it all, I did keep believing. If only a belief the size of a mustard seed, I believed.

Today, my belief is immense and far-reaching. I need to believe in something outside of me, much bigger than me. I’m not sure exactly what or who that is, but I believe. I really do. I believe in me. I believe in you. I believe that all will be well.

“Lead.”
Finally, we have “lead.” We gather our experiences from depending, leaning and counting on others. We take and file it all, and we learn. We come to believe in ourselves, in others, and in something much greater than all of us. And then, we lead.

We lead so others can see us overcome. We lead so others can see us succeed. We lead so others can see us depend and lean on one another. We lead so we can help others learn. We lead so others can see our belief at work. We lead because we owe it to each other. We lead because lights are meant to shine. Others see the light. They then hear their own heartbeat and another’s breath.

I’m inspired every day, but especially every Holiday Season. The Holidays were the most painful times of my life growing up. And now, they are the most joyful and inspirational. The reason for that transformation is so simple, yet so vast: I depend on, count on, and lean on you. I learn. I believe. And I lead.

That’s life, baby.